“We are healed from suffering only by experiencing it to the full.”

A year ago, I honestly did not think I would survive another minute, much less another day. External forces were pitted against me, coupled with chronic physical pain and overwhelming internal conflicts. 

I have never considered myself a strong person, and unquestionably, last year I was at my weakest point in all my thirty one years, but today I can say, I survived, I am still here, I fought and I won the battle.

No one but myself really knows what I went through: what happened to me, what was said to me, what was done to me, what I did to myself, how I felt, how I managed to survive.  I had never imagined that that kind of loneliness, rejection and self-loathing existed. 

There will always be a part of me, hidden deep within the dark recesses of my soul that fears the reemergence of that horrible time: the doubts, the pain (both physical and mental), the loneliness, the uncertainty, the overwhelming depression and feelings of worthlessness.  That thought alone, is instantly able to plunge me headlong into the beginning of an anxiety attack.  

I do not know how I would survive a second time around.  A soul can only take so much before it can no longer go on.  

 But for now, I am in a happy place, finding peace within myself.  Time has healed some of the pain in my heart and I think I am ready to finally move on and continue my journey.