Smoke and Mirrors

 

Self-perception is a tricky beast. 

Smoke and mirrors. Distorted reality.  

Others see what we cannot.  We see things that they do not. 

You gaze and search to try to find some kind of truth in your own reflection. 

You cannot see who you really are as long as doubts cloud your vision. 

The mirrors are murky, opaque and muddy.  

Your image swims over their surfaces, scrutinizing you, as you gawk back. 

Both sizing up the other. 

The width of your thighs, the insignificant swell of your breasts, the boney knees and faded yellow bruised skin.

You see them all.  They veil the rest of what makes up you. 

They have become the truth.

Capricorn with Life Path 6

You posses great compassion and you seek to be of service to others.  You’re a humanitarian of the first order. It’s your role to serve others. You have concern for the weak and the downtrodden. You are a healer and a helper to others. You are capable of giving comfort to those in need, and you frequently offer a shoulder for others to cry on. Your task in life is to develop the tools necessary to be truly helpful to others, rather than to simply be a sympathetic ear.

The temptation and the danger for you are to think of yourself as the savior of the world carrying the burdens of others in your shoulders.

This is the Life Path related to leadership by example and assumption of responsibility. Hence, you find it your obligation to pick up the burden and always be ready to help. If you’re like the majority with Life Path 6, you’re one who willingly carries far more than your fair share of any load, and you’re always there when needed. 

Pitfalls to your particular Life Path are a tendency to become overwhelmed by responsibilities and a slave to others; especially close friends. You are often taken advantage of and have a hard time finding your own voice and standing up for yourself.

Your life will be an uphill battle.

You will come up against the same situations in your social life time and again as others know they can take advantage of your generous nature and insecurities.

Capricorns have this sense of melancholy and necessity for structure and work because inside they feel they are unworthy and need to continuously prove their worth. Once they realize that all they need is self-love, door will open and they will see the world in a new light, one that allows for pleasure and guilt-free fun. Capricorns most important need is security. Capricorns often question their own self worth.

You must find ways to use your creative energy. Art, music, and poetry are your passions. You were born to create, so that you can understand life’s creative process and teach those understandings to others. You love books, history and antiques.

Capricorns want to do and be something worthwhile. Like their Earth signs relatives, Taurus and Virgo, they need to feel useful and effective in the real world in order to be satisfied with their lives.

You are magnetic. 6’s tend to be physically attractive, but it’s more than that - there’s a force about you that’s hard to ignore.

A Capricorn born on December 29 has the ability to be transformed by spiritual significance, but only after experiencing a profound and transfiguring reality. Often attractive and charming, they have a devastating effect upon those who come under their spell.

Friends and Lovers

December 29 natives tend to experience emotional flux in relationships. They want and need stability, but situations they often find themselves in can promote the opposite. They may have some disappointments in love during youth, but once they get past them they are able to find a partner who can make them happy.

But it's home to me and I walk alone

 

we are star stuff

you are made of stars and hold a piece of the divine within your soul
in the end, none of this will matter
only that you loved and were loved
and that you gave all you had

ignore the trivial drama and what others say about you
it is not worth your peace
stand your own ground but learn when to walk away

love with all your heart
find inner peace
ignore negative thoughts
realize you are a divine being of light and love

become free from earthly bonds

live, breathe, let go

“We are healed from suffering only by experiencing it to the full.”

A year ago, I honestly did not think I would survive another minute, much less another day. External forces were pitted against me, coupled with chronic physical pain and overwhelming internal conflicts. 

I have never considered myself a strong person, and unquestionably, last year I was at my weakest point in all my thirty one years, but today I can say, I survived, I am still here, I fought and I won the battle.

No one but myself really knows what I went through: what happened to me, what was said to me, what was done to me, what I did to myself, how I felt, how I managed to survive.  I had never imagined that that kind of loneliness, rejection and self-loathing existed. 

There will always be a part of me, hidden deep within the dark recesses of my soul that fears the reemergence of that horrible time: the doubts, the pain (both physical and mental), the loneliness, the uncertainty, the overwhelming depression and feelings of worthlessness.  That thought alone, is instantly able to plunge me headlong into the beginning of an anxiety attack.  

I do not know how I would survive a second time around.  A soul can only take so much before it can no longer go on.  

 But for now, I am in a happy place, finding peace within myself.  Time has healed some of the pain in my heart and I think I am ready to finally move on and continue my journey. 

Happiness Depends Upon Ourselves-Aristotle

What makes one person happy or content, does not necessarily work for someone else. But we must keep in mind, that everyone is entitled to their own form of happiness in this life.

If a person chooses to live a simple life, focusing on their family and the little daily things that make them happy, and if this truly makes them content, who are you to condemn them and mock them for their “boring” existence? If two people in a relationship are satisfied with seemingly ordinary things, then these “boring” moments to one person, become exceptional moments to the couple. When two people are truly in love, the little things become big things. 

And if a person chooses to live their life on the edge, constantly changing, and only feeling satisfied living what they consider a “FREE” existence, then that is their prerogative and they have that right.

We need to do what makes us happy.  Not what would make other people happy. 

If your life path is to be a lifetime student, a good mother, an artist, a lover, career oriented, free of society’s bonds, with the love of your life, alone…..give it all your heart and soul.  Your happiness is your reality and no one else’s.

I have been asked several times by like-minded people (other artistic personalities) (and sadly, with distain in their voices) if I would really be happy dedicating my life to being a mother and wife.  In their minds, doing this would mean giving up a freedom that they feel is imperative to surviving.  According to them, you can only choose one path.

 

Artists are an interesting bunch.  I have learned that the majority of artistic people are more ego than imagination.  Their status and persona as an artist (in the eyes of others) trumps things that they fear seem too mundane for “creative” personalities. An artist must be free and edgy and never “settle” for a conventional existence. I have met too many people who are afraid of being happy for fear it would take away from the façade they have built up over the years.  They don't want to appear soft or boring, even if what they are giving up for society's view is what would truly make them happy.

If creating a family with my husband, my best friend makes me happy, then yes, I am happy dedicating my life to becoming more than this person I am now.  My life would be richer.  Who says becoming a mother necessarily stops the creativity from flowing?  Who says I cannot continue being an artist and writing if I decide to add a member to my family? 

I am much more than one role in my life and I can continue to add to this list of what makes me, me and what makes me content.  I am an artist, a poet, a humanitarian, a friend, a lover, a warrior, a daughter, a sister, a best friend, a fighter.  I am the sum of every experience I have had in this lifetime.